Hooza-ma-whatchit

I make up words when I'm bored/confused/frustrated. Currently? I'm bored.

I'm on spring break this week. The thing about spring break, while I appreciate that I can sleep in a little more than normal (I'm not working either), I'm so boring. Like, watching paint dry boring. I don't go anywhere for spring break. I don't have any friends to celebrate spring break with. So what will I be doing for break this year? Quilting! I sound like I'm ninety and not my sprightly twenty.

Also, to add to that disturbing image, the pain medication for my hips gave me migraines so they took me off it. Now, I spend my days laying on the couch complaining about the pain. It gets worse when it's cold....like today...when it SNOWED. WTF Maine?

ELAY (FeelsOld)

Read more

Well...Shit.

I just got back from my first (I've already bought my ticket for the second) viewing of Remember Me. In lamens terms, IT. WAS. EXTRAORDINARY.

The beginning is...shocking, to say the least. I will admit the ONLY issue I took with the movie (and this is considering even the end) was that the beginning was a little hard to get in to. It was slow-going but dear GOD did it ever go above and BEYOND every expectation I had.

I'm not the biggest Emilie De Ravin fan, I'll own up to it right now, but I think she fit the role. It certainly wasn't an easy role to fill.

And there was Tate, who was FANTASTIC. Absolutely hilarious. He definitely had some of the best lines in the movie. I'm telling you now, take note of this guy. He's pretty good and I loved him in this.

I want to hate Pierce Brosnan so bad right now. I want to, but I can't.

And Ruby makes my ovaries spontaneously ovulate. That is all.

Finally, we come to the RPatz. Every time his face popped up on the screen I figured I would go, "That's Edward Cullen...meh" and in all honesty, I didn't, not ONCE. I'm even guilty of trying to bring the RPatz down. I tried to put him in this box and tell myself that he's a one-hit-wonder. And I just couldn't convince myself. His performance was beautiful and touching and everything the best of actors can sometimes only DREAM of. He was wonderful.

You know how in a recent interview Rob compared Remember Me to Ordinary People and I swooned/died a little? He. Was. Spot. ON.

Ordinary People is one of my favorite movies. It falls under a category that is unnameable and perfect (oddly enough, Ordinary People was a little hard for me to get into as well).

OP was made back in 1980 now, in 2010, Remember Me has taken that concept and blown it out of the water.

There's no damsels in distress, no knights in shining armor, there's no incredible acts of saving the world or professing undying love; just a pure and real and beautifully simple story.

I ached in my chest and my gut and every finger and toe when those girls picked on Caroline. I laughed with Aidan. I felt the pain of loss every time I looked at Tyler and he was so agonized, so at a loss of what to do with himself.

This movie isn't a fairy tale, there's no happily ever after, but it's stunning anyway. It'll slap you in the face and sucker punch you in the gut and it's so heartwrenchingly wonderful that your masochistic self will keep coming back for more. Just a true beauty of a movie. And I think that's all that matters.

The End.

Read more

I'm Just Having A Good Day

These are the tweets I received earlier this evening from the winner of the pillows:

"I just came home and received your pillows! I'm so overwhelmed- they are absolutely gorgeous! They far exceed my expectations!"

"Thank you thank you thank you for all your hard work. I will proudly display them at home, and will most certainly write a review" (I had asked that she leave a review on FGB for the 2010 auction that I hope to participate in)

"I was only expecting pillow CASES too, but you've made actual cushions, and the designs are so gorgeous."

And apparently I'm cute (in that adorable, 'I wanna pinch your cheeks way.') This pretty much was the cherry on top of my ice-cream-sundae-of-a-day.

I'm so glad that I could participate. Now I just need to finish those quilts. I'm starting the tacking and most of the fabric has been purchased. I've also mapped out a general design for both.

Hopefully I get just as enthusiastic reactions from the other auction winners. :)

So thank you to drscully (for confidentiality reasons I'll refrain from using her name) for your enthusiasm.

And thank you to the lovely ladies at my local fabric store for tolerating my madness.

ELAY

Read more

Cold Feet

As in, I have cold feet. And I had cold feet in the doctors office this morning because I was NEKKID. And it was awful.

The speculum is not my friend. It was kinda painful. And very violating.

The only thing I found worse,

the breast exam.

And you're probably ask yourself, 'Self, what could be worse than having your hoohah stretched by a shiny metal contraption.' Well, to you I say, I had to look my doctor in the eye while she felt me up. I think my face caught fire. I have never blushed so hard in my life.

My mom told me it was part of "womanhood," it comes with the territory.

My sister doesn't want to ever grow up.

I just want to go crawl in a hole and hide. It was more embarrassing than anything else.

On top of that,

I have to be in court on Friday and I'm behind on homework.

At least I haven't gone blind yet.

(Has anyone else noticed how much I've been whining lately?)

ELAY

Read more

I'mma Be A Hot Mess

There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you. -Maya Angelou

Woman knew what she was talking about.

I just completed Fields on Fire, over 4,000 words in 3 days. I feel...kind of accomplished.

Now I've just got to finish...everything else. And my homework. Hot damn.

What I'm currently working on:

Armageddon

Existential

Hypoc. and Sin.

Two other one-shots that have yet to be titled.

I'm a writing fool, yo.

Now go read Fields on Fire. I like seeing that counter go up.

Oh. And here's the banner I made for FoF:

Simple enough. haha.

ELAY

Read more

Pillow Fight!

So, as some of you are aware, I offered up my services to The Fandom Gives Back '09. I auctioned off a Queen quilt, a Twin quilt, as well as the the 3-piece pillow set. To make this short and sweet, the pillow set has been finished for a few weeks, however, I'm just now able to send them out to the lucky winner, drscully.

Here are a few pictures:

"Be careful what you set your heart on, for it will surely be yours" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ta da!

Now I just need to finish the quilts :)

ELAY

Read more

ZOMG The Giggle

What does the "z" stand for in zomg? Anyone?

That's beside the point.

I'm a dork. A mega-humongous-scary-giant-dork. It's sad. And hilarious. At the same time. Awesome.

I stutter when I'm nervous. Hence, the mega-dork.

Hanging out with Becca again was really fun. I've missed it lots. Only problem, I cannot hold a conversation to save my life. There's something wrong with me. I think there's only so many times I can go, "haha," before she bitch slaps me. Fo' realz. And still, I wish we did it more.

I wonder how Brie's going to handle me at ComicCon...

Brie...you're not big on conversation, right? Comfortable silences? :)

Anywhoozle,

I saw Percy Jackson and the Olympians:The Lightning Thief twice in one day. It.is.MAGICAL.

I've officially seen it more times than I've seen New Moon, but we're not going to touch on that mess.

Logan Lerman is beautiful. As are his eyes.

The CGI was pretty awesome.

My favorite scene, hands down (and those of you who have talked to me today will not be surprised), the Lotus Blossom scene with THE GIGGLE. It's crazy adorable. *le sigh*

The only thing I took issue with (as I've mentioned on Twitter) is that I figured out who the lightening thief was in advance. And it didn't even really matter. It was just that good (because any other movie I would have raged all over that).

It was dorky and cute and I loved it. The end.

Well, on that subject anyway.

Moving on, this new medication is kicking my ass. It's what's been making me physically sick (think that spew session on the side of 395, and you can STILL see it) and gives me wicked awful vertigo. My veins feel like they're full of helium. I don't like it.

The thing is, I was on this before and I became addicted to it. Completely involuntary mind you. As soon as I noticed I stopped it (which was not a bright idea because you're supposed to be weaned off ). I had to go through a whole slew of withdrawal symptoms. It's nasty. I don't recommend it. I've had the same problem with sleeping pills. Apparently, I'm a glutton for punishment.

My new Med. Management decided it would be different if I tried an ODT (orally disintegrating tablet) instead of swallowing a pill (because I have issues with swallowing certain medications) and a much lower dose.

I have NEVER had nausea this bad on ANY medication.

Like I said, it's kicking my ass.

I'm calling her on Monday to have my medication switched.

EverybodyLovesAYeti(isHolyCrapIt's1:30)

Read more

There's A Monster In My Head

I think I'm losing my fucking mind.

Read more

Is This Really What We've Become?

Because honestly, it's kind of disgusting and heart-wrenching at the same time.

I have spent 18 years trying (desperately, I might add) to make my sister happy. I have sacrificed my health, monetary resources, my grades, my emotional well-being just to make sure that she has what I thought she needed.

It was always a give-take relationship. I gave and she took.

I've been seeing the same therapist for 6 years and in all the time she has known me, she knows that I would sacrifice anything and everything for my sister. She does not approve of our relationship, in fact, she's been pushing for me to cut all possible ties with her.

And in August, when she moves, that is exactly what I'm going to do.

It's going to kill me. I can feel it already just typing this up. I love my sister because she's my sister, my blood. And since I was little, I've wanted nothing more than for us to be close. But recently, I've come to the realization that if I was not in any way related to her, I would not want anything to do with her. I would think she's a destructive, vile, awful person. She's toxic.

And as hard as it is, and will be, to distance myself from her, it's something that must be done.

If she calls me, I will not answer.

If she e-mails me, I will not open it. It will go directly to the trash can.

If she tries to contact me over Skype (which I know she has plans of to speak with our parents), I will not answer. In fact, I'll probably block her. It's called a telephone. I know my parents and my sister know how to use one.

If she so much as sends me a fucking smoke signal, I'll ignore it.

And I'm sure I'll have my weak moments and I'll want to see how she's doing, but I'll have to ask my parents or I will have to ignore the feeling.

I have always been the punching bag, the door mat, the available person when no one else is. I'm dependable and I enable her destruction.

I will not be available to take the blame for her anymore. If she hits me, I will not fight back. I will take it and I will use it to further my strength in distancing myself from her. (Unless there is the threat of serious injury, such as broken bones; which it wouldn't be the first time.)

She has aimed knives at me in her anger and I have let her. She took a baseball bat to my back and I let her. She has broken my glasses in her rage on more than one occasion.

I will not consider any relationship with her until there has been some change. Until she takes responsibility, until she stops using people for her own benefit, I will not be anything more than civil with her and nothing less.

I will cry and I will bitch, but if I want to save myself, I have to get rid of the toxic. I will wash myself of her and I will start over.

I am done.

Read more